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Loner85
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Name: jason
Country: United States
State: Illinois
Birthday: 12/29/1985
Gender: Male
Interests: making people misreable by joking too much hitting and boring people on phone...
Expertise: being annoying... hurting others and himself...
Occupation: Student
Industry: Nonprofit
Message: message meEmail: email me
Member Since:
10/9/2003
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| truth love and i am such a sappy person! and no mark it isnt a step in
the right way : ( but ill live with it for now. thinking about asking
ashley on a date while im here, but it still isnt one of the 2 gals i
want to date! it soo frusterating sometimes lol. oh and hi and welcome
newest subscriber to my sight! i love miss frizzles : ) nothing else is
really new... eating pizza tonight and saw ocean's 12 today... it was
pretty good. well im gone now to watch anime!!
*hug & kiss*
Jay
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| wanna know whats wrong mark? you wouldnt be able to guess it quickly but its not all that suprising. laura. around her i feel safe... its the first time ever i have had this feeling around anything... she used to be able to calm any storm that came my way just by saying she cared... but now its all typhones when im out at sea in the storm. laura with a couple others dont recepricate how i feel for them. (meaning i really want close friendship with her to the point we can just hang out but she doesnt feel or want the same)
yeah yeah i know stop being selfish and ignor it but i mean even still i have to 2nd guess almost everything she does. tuesday before i left she invited me to have coffee with her. and b4 we left she was like are we cool? it got me thinking. evryone besides the smart few have been asking if i have been missing church because of me and laura but i had stopped being around her 2 weeks before. laura just comes to me now after i missed a couple days of church. what is she feeling? answer that and ill act accordingly and shut up alot of my whining : ).
2nd thing on me is i GOT SUCKEY GRADES!!!!!!! SHOOT ME NOW! | | |
| well 2 things i learned today.... when its cold wear a jacket and when
it stops raining dont think it wont rain anymore and leave ur umbi.
walk back from UG library with it pouring down rain... now im soaked to
the bone and freezing!
i never in my life thought i would have this dilima and now that im
here i have alot more sympathy for the people that went through this.
for this i would like some feedback but expecially from mark just cause
he knows almost everybody and most all of the situations.
this past week i have been doing alot and i mean alot of thinking and
discussing with my close cronies (minus mark cause i havent seen him
face-to-face). but should i wait in hopes of that certain gal. i really
care for her, but there are not only a couple gal i find admirable but
i know a few of them like me. i mean it really struck home when i was
in lecture and liz and i were talking and junk and she told me about
breaking up with her bf and other junk.... i asked for her sn after
class and she gave me her aim # and email. she is a lovly junior gal...
out of my league but she is a fun gal. there are soooo many questions i
have now and one of the worste is if i do "move on" are the others just
2nd place..... i wouldnt ever do that to anyone... but i cant get that
one person out of my head... some tell me to hold on and some tell me
she can do soo much better and to give up. what should i do?!?!?! its
stressing :(..... and since when did i come to be somewhat
desirable?!?! i rather be mopey than have a head ache from silly
things. oi oi oi oi oi!
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| lol i havent written in this since b4 even kari and i 'broke up'
cutting off paula and tara and such from our friendships. hehe now that
being said.
i regret only make my friends and hang out group coc cult people.
expecially the girls.... 3 gals think im likeing them or
something....... and they act so strange now.... get over yourselves! i
mean 1 it would never work and i know that the 2nd the day u get good
friends u realize im long gone AND I WILL BE RUNNING AWAY!!!! joy uses
me for someone that will listen to her but then she treats me like the
others do as the more or less outcast in public...... dont worry i want
to vomit u out of my life asap... but that does prove that my
'deceptions' work cause she doesnt have a clue. laura i cant change. i
was too honest with her and now im just clouding over cause it hurts
like it did with kari (not as bad though) to talk to her. either her
facad is as good as mine or she dosent care and i would guess its a 30
70 split. but i could be wrong. 3rd one i dont even need to say
anything about lol.... i just hope she isnt thinking i like her.
if im not with mark or jw im just not all that happy. i might as well
start spending more time with people outsode the cocs..... grrr i cant
wait until mark and jw have a place ill make them regret having me as a
friends when im over there 20/7 lol. but i am owrried i might out stay
my friendship if they do but im longing for a place to go and hang out
with just a few good friends that i dont have tension around........
minus mark's lack of loyalty.
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| i was eating on butterfield for diner... at bakers square... good food... something was pressing my mind though... i realized i didnt hate myself anymore and i knew what was eating at me! what brings me true happyness is when i feel needed and people shw me gratitude. the problem was i had turned selfish on 2 things... one being present one being past. my past was when i wanted popularity and my present is for the one i love. but its all over baby! i finnally figured it out!
selfishness can be called in different ways too u know... isnt it selfish when u hurt others to make it to where u never can get hurt?
ok im done................. and my eyes kill me! its only 115 and i need to shower! | | |
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